For me, pregnancy felt like a smooth flight through sunny skies, but my landing into the postpartum season was, well . . . turbulent. To start, when my son was born (via a surprise C-section), we were in the thick of a global pandemic (mamas who gave birth in 2020, you feel me), and when he was only six weeks old, we moved into my in-laws’ house for three months while our home was being built. On top of that, I already had a pre-existing anxiety disorder, so my mental health tanked due to postpartum hormones and the exhausting boot-camp that is the newborn stage.
We couldn’t have visitors without risking illness, so every day and night for those first few months as a new mom, I was doing the hard work of caring for a newborn while isolated from my friends and family. My surroundings were a labyrinth of moving boxes in someone else’s home. And, like most new moms, I lived in a sleep-deprived haze of feeding and diapering while anxiously googling everything my baby did to make sure it was normal.
During that time, I felt like I’d lost my sense of identity. I absolutely adored my precious son (and still do), and we had so many sweet and fun times of cuddling and growing in those early days, so of course it wasn’t all bad. But it took time for me to heal and feel like myself again—and not just the same “self” I was before, but a new version of myself with the added role of mother.
So, for all the new and expecting moms out there—and for all you experienced moms who have new-mama-friends to support—here are:
Three things that helped me navigate the newborn season and come into my own as a mother.
1. Remind Yourself of What Is True
During the first four months after my son was born, because of my anxiety, I felt like I lived in an echo chamber of fears, doubts, and lies. To experience any amount of peace, I had to be reminded of what was true—and it doesn’t get any truer than God’s Word. If you’re feeling lost as a new mom, search the Scriptures, because the truth about who God is and who we are in Him never changes. His Word is true no matter the season or circumstance.
Since lengthy quiet times of intense Bible study probably aren’t doable in the days of newborn care and sleep deprivation, here are some simple ways to remain in the truth of God’s Word as a new mama:
- Write Bible verses on post-its and stick them all over your house, such as on the bathroom mirror, on the changing table, by the kitchen sink, etc. so that everywhere you go, you’re met with truth. You can even order Scripture cards like these from Not Consumed so you don’t have to figure out which verses to write down (plus, they’re pretty).
- Listen to hymns and worship songs daily, and sing them over your baby. I loved to worship while rocking and feeding my little one, and the biblical truth in those songs was such a balm to my soul. Even when I couldn’t remember what normal life felt like, I could sing Great Is Thy Faithfulness and It Is Well With My Soul and feel at peace.
- Pray. Pray the Psalms. Pray without ceasing. Pray while you’re rocking and feeding and changing and washing and repeating. And pray even when you don’t know what to say, because the Spirit will speak for you. The Lord will give you the strength and grace you need.
2. Talk to People
Really though—talk to trustworthy people about what you’re going through. Talk to your husband, your mom, your sister or aunt, and your friends; even when you aren’t sure who you are anymore, they’ll know, and they can remind and reassure you. It may also help to expand your circle by seeking out mom-friends, including both new moms who are in your same season as well as seasoned moms who can help you gain perspective and patience. And of course, seeking the professional help of a trained counselor can be immensely helpful—I cannot fathom where I’d be without the counselors I have talked with over the years.
Tell these safe people what’s hard about becoming a mom, and tell them what you love about it. Tell them about the cute things your baby did or the funny diaper explosion stories that happen to everyone, and tell them about the times you have nightmares or cry in the shower. Sharing can help you process your experience as you settle into your new normal, and your loved ones and counselor can encourage you and help you see things clearly.
3. Give It Time
This seems obvious now, but I wish I could go back and tell myself this simple truth—this season will not last forever. Your baby will eventually get a good night’s sleep, and so will you. The challenges of breastfeeding or pumping or washing bottles will pass. Your body will heal. And you will grow more confident as a mother over time.
Once my son was six months old, thanks to a combination of all of the above as well as some medication for my anxiety, I was already feeling more like myself. And I felt even better still once he turned one, and I’ve continued to grow since then. I still struggle with the ups and downs of motherhood and all that it brings, of course, because I am human, but I have a firmer grasp of who I am now, and I know where to turn when I need help. So have hope, new mom—God has a plan for you in every season, and you are never alone.
If you’re a new or expecting mom, our ministries here at Stonebriar Community Church would love to support and encourage you. Reach out to parentingpathwayblog@stonebriar.org any time—we would love to lift up your family in prayer, introduce you to other moms, and walk with you through your parenting journey.
