Dear Parents of Teenagers,
If we want to have shalom (peace) in the home, we will need to be good peacemakers. Conflict is a part of life, and family life is no different. When conflict at home goes unresolved, it can be very harmful. Teenagers especially are deeply affected by the things no one is talking about. On the other hand, teenagers can be notoriously unwilling to talk, especially about difficult subjects. Then, instead of resolving conflict, our family can sometimes operate in prolonged dysfunction, and that’s not fun. Families can even pass down their dysfunction to the next generation of your family. I think we would all like to leave a legacy of Christ-centered joy at home and experience more peace in our relationships.
Modeling Good Conflict Resolution
Modeling good conflict resolution requires courage and good communication. It takes courage to bring up the problem in the first place. It takes good communication to work through the problem. Here’s a few simple tips for resolving conflict at home:
- Set a time to talk – difficult discussions usually go better when pizza is involved.
- Pray together – invite Jesus to be in this.
- Agree on the goal – shalom in the home. You don’t have to say it like that, but the goal is to have better relationships. For example, “I love you and I want us to have a better relationship.”
- Understand – avoid blame and don’t argue but ask good questions and listen well. Take turns. Say something like, “when ____ happens I feel ____ and I would like you to please ____.”
- Solve it together – the problem is not the other person. The problem is the problem so be on the same team and look for a mutual solution.
- Evaluate – come back together at a designated time and ask if the solution to the problem is working well.
I wouldn’t expect all conflict to disappear, but hopefully, conflict will not go unresolved in your home. The mountain growing under the carpet can really get in the way of happy, harmonious relationships. Jesus calls His followers to be peacemakers, and it is only by His grace that we can change.
“Blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God.”
Matthew 5:9
Resolving conflict begins by looking in the mirror and owning our part. Admitting our mistakes and sincerely apologizing helps a lot. If nothing else seems to be working, don’t suffer in silence. Stonebriar provides pastoral guidance for families to help resolve persistent conflict. Don’t hesitate to reach out to us.
Your Partner in Discipleship,
Nathan K
