John Hughes nailed “teen angst” better than anyone. Remember movies like “Pretty In Pink,” “Sixteen Candles,” “Some Kind Of Wonderful,” and not to mention the day off that Ferris and Cameron enjoyed at Principal Rooney’s expense? Maybe you weren’t allowed to watch those movies; but trust me, if you saw them as a teenager, watching others suffer through the indignities of adolescence probably resonated with your angsty soul. We get it, right? It wasn’t that long ago that we experienced: stressing about being cool (acceptance), stressing about grades (insecurity), stressing about parents (independence), and stressing about relationships (identity). I’m feeling irritable-misunderstood-frustrated-ugly-overlooked-powerless just thinking about it!
So, how can we manage all that teen angst? At times, our homes feel like a war zone and all we did is ask how their day went—forget about trying to have a meaningful conversation about algebra homework or putting dirty socks in the hamper! What are parents to do? Like a noxious smell in the family van on a long road trip, are we just supposed to hold our breath and wait until it’s over?
Try this:
- Remember the goal is not control. Our goal is to guide. We want God to transform our hearts and theirs so that we can enjoy Him and one another all the days of our lives.
- So, Slow down. When teen angst is disrupting our lives, we need to ask ourselves, what am I really angry about? As busy parents, life is challenging enough without all the added teen drama. But, it is helpful to pause before we react— before we speak. You can be the spiritual leader that your child needs by being rational and calm. Go to the Lord in prayer. Ask, what is really triggering this emotional reaction to my teenager? Am I afraid of something? Am I not getting what I want here?
- Change the environment. Sometimes a change of scenery can do wonders. Go for a walk downtown— socially-distanced of course. Feed ducks. Drive to Buccee’s. If you find yourself in a cycle of conflict, or if your teenager is going through an especially angsty week, break free from the routine.
- Change the conversation. The chaos of teen-life can often back us into a corner with our teenager. Don’t stay on topic. Throw a curve-ball into the conversation: an unexpected and sincere “I love you,” “I’m here for you,” “I’m sorry.” Maybe follow it up with, “anytime you want to talk, I’m ready to listen.” Our teens should know that we are their biggest ally, even if they think we could never understand or relate to their world.
Definitely set limits and appropriate boundaries for behavior, but recognize that odd behavior and poor choices is a normal part of growing up. Personally and humbly speaking, odd behavior and poor choices are still something we are all trying to avoid on a daily basis. You are growing alongside your teenager, and your Heavenly Father is always ready to listen anytime you want to talk about your angsty soul.
