It’s fun to be bad! If you don’t believe me, listen to the Bible: “[Moses] chose to be mistreated along with the people of God rather than to enjoy the fleeting pleasures of sin,” (Hebrews 11:25). Did you notice the phrase, fleeting pleasures of sin? No one ever said sinning wasn’t fun—for a while. Notice the first problem of sinful pleasure, it’s fleeting. How true! That’s the trap! The bait looks good, but when you bite it, the good feelings are sooner or later replaced by disastrous consequences. People don’t make bad choices because it feels terrible. Let’s be honest, the pleasure of being bad is real, and that’s why it’s so tempting.
So, how do we best prepare our kids for the bewildering maze of choices they will have to make in their journey to adulthood?
#1 Establish Common Ground
When talking to our teenage kids about their choices, we can’t deny that those things aren’t enticing. The fact is sin is tempting for us too. If we pretend like we don’t face the same human frailties and vulnerabilities, we lose credibility immediately with our teenagers. Maybe the temptations are different, maybe the party scene isn’t your jam anymore, but temptations are born out of the same weakness, “but each person is tempted when they are dragged away by their own evil desire and enticed,” (James 1:14). James is telling us that each of us must confront our desires.
#2 Bad Choices Are a Part of the Deal
Keep in mind that a perfect record of right choices is impossible. Paul said, “I do not understand what I do. For what I want to do, I do not do. But what I hate, I do,” (Romans 7:15). Paul didn’t keep a perfect record. You haven’t kept a perfect record. I haven’t kept a perfect record. Our teenagers can’t keep a perfect record. Although perfect obedience to the will of the Father is correct, only Jesus pulled it off. Now, that’s not to say that the pursuit of holiness isn’t our goal as followers of Christ. It is. Just keep this in mind: moral perfection is a process that will not be complete until we step into glory. Until then, we’re learning. When our teenagers get the impression that we expect perfection, we exasperate them. “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord,” (Ephesians 6:4).
#3 Be Clear About the Rules and the Consequences
Setting clear boundaries is just as important for our teenage children as it was when they were little. We said to them in the store, “stay where I can see you,” or “don’t put the pickles in your nose.” Teenagers need to know right from wrong, therefore, talk to them about drugs, alcohol, and the dangers of impaired judgment. Explain what will happen and what might happen if they make bad decisions when they are around their friends. Consequences are a great learning tool. Enforce the rules. Don’t try to be the “cool parent” who hosts the party so that their friends are “at least safe.” Define the boundaries and enforce the consequences.
#4 Love Them No Matter What
“No matter what happens, you can always call me.” Before they start driving and going out with friends, let them know that if they are ever in a situation where things are getting out of control, it’s better for them to ask for help than try to escape getting in trouble. By not asking for help, they may face consequences that last a lifetime. And your love for them will never change. Their choices don’t determine the relationship. Like our relationship with our Heavenly Father, we don’t stop being His children when we sin. He doesn’t exclude us from His love when we make bad choices. Neither should our kids ever feel like they must earn our approval. Their choices may not deserve our approval, but we always approve of them, the precious little sinners.
Other Resources
- You can educate yourself on current drug and alcohol use among teenagers with a simple google search.
- Also, check out axis.org/resources/ for more information about navigating conversations with your kids around today’s issues.
