I can remember last summer doing a Bible study on Philippians and how Paul repeats himself throughout the book, saying “Rejoice!” I remember raising my hand and saying, “I’m not sure I struggle during the big ‘You have cancer’ circumstances as much as the ‘Kids, it’s time for bed’ routine every night.” But at that time, I had yet to hear the words You have cancer to really know. So when I was diagnosed with breast cancer in March, it was a shock to my system. And I thought to myself, “Okay, Sarah. How are you going to respond?” I really didn’t know. Praying and crying seemed to be all I could do. Rejoicing was not my first reaction. Rejoice that I have cancer? I don’t know about that.
Since then, I’ve seen God take care of details and really minister to my heart and to my family as well. Pastor Dave Carl encouraged me to pray for a very personal experience with God, both for me and each member of my family. I’ve got a team of amazing people supporting me. And I am not taking it for granted.
I see shirts that say “Fight Cancer,” people call me a “warrior” and say “keep fighting,” and I have been so confused. How do I fight? Fists or weapons? I’m a mom of 6 kids who was already barely able to handle our day-to-day activities and appointments. And now I have to find energy to fight? And how? As parents, we are good at seeing a problem, having 3 different ways to fix it, and then getting to work. I’ve got a box of band-aids in the van to prove it. But obliviously, that’s not going to work for cancer.
As I’m writing this, I just had my 7th of 16 chemo treatments today. Yesterday, I had an attitude of “I don’t want to go to treatment.” But today I woke up knowing I had to go. So I did. Then this afternoon at treatment, I was thinking about how I just show up and do nothing but sit in a chair for hours. I talk to my friend who drove me, eat a sandwich, and watch comedy shows to pass the time. How is this fighting? I’m no solider in a foxhole. In fact, it feels like the opposite of fighting. It feels lazy.
But then God spoke to me in that small voice in my heart, saying, “I am fighting for you; you just show up and let Me handle this.” And Exodus 14:14 came to mind.
The Lord will fight for you; you need only to be still.
Exodus 14:14
“Just stay calm.” This wasn’t my first time hearing this verse, but it was the first time I was really HEARING this verse. I was understanding what it really meant for those Israelites to stand on the other side of the Red Sea and watch God work. They didn’t do anything but obey and go. They didn’t have weapons. They were slaves, not warriors.
So, my fighting is to obey and go, and watch God work in my life. I do not have the skills or power to heal myself. I got nothing! I have to totally rely on God. And that is more than enough. And that’s what I can rejoice in!
June 22, 2023
Oh Sarah! I love you! You are an amazing warrior and God
Has always
Had a plan for you and your family! You are truly amazing and a gift to us all!