Risky and Adventurous Play

As parents, we are walking a tightrope when it comes to playtime. On one side is the need to allow our children freedom to stretch and grow, but on the other side is our need to protect our children from harm. Of course keeping our children safe is a high priority as parents. It should be. But what happens if our fear of harm makes us lean too far one way on the tightrope? We could lose our balance and fall into the habit of controlling our kids’ environments so much that they miss out on key opportunities to grow through play.

Play is the “work” of childhood. It is how kids develop a sense of self, learn how to make their own decisions, problem solve, regulate emotions, exert control, follow rules, make friends, and experience joy. Developmental psychologist Peter Gray notes that there has been a gradual but dramatic decline in children’s free-play opportunities and an increase in childhood mental and emotional disorders. Could it be that our fear is preventing us from giving our kids freedom to engage in the adventurous play they need?

It turns out there are significant benefits to risk-taking while playing. The University of Exeter in the U.K. found that child-led risky play may help prevent mental concerns among kids ages 5 to 11. Child development research suggests that adventure, appropriate risk, and independent play including the elements of excitement and thrill can benefit kids in the long run (see below for a list of ideas). This kind of play helps introduce kids to the world they live in while helping them build skills and confidence.

When we are afraid, our natural human response can be to do more and control more. As parents, that can look like managing every move our kids make so they never get hurt. It is good to seek our children’s well being, but when we parent primarily from a place of fear, we may cause our kids to miss out on opportunities to grow, and there’s a greater chance we will raise up fearful children, as well. And as Christian parents, it is also a concern that parenting out of fear may foster in our children the lie that control is more important than trusting God.

So how can we walk this tightrope with confidence and grace?

Facing your fears through Christ.

We are promised that God will be with us as we parent, but we are not promised that our children will have easy lives. The truth is our children are not our own. We are merely stewards of them while they are young; they belong to God, and He decides their future. None of our anxiety, worry, and fear changes this reality, and, paradoxically, this is glorious news! God loves our children, and they are in His hands, no matter what they face in life.

Remember what we know about the goodness of God.

“His divine power has granted to us all things that pertain to life and godliness, through the knowledge of Him who called us to His own glory and excellence.”

2 Peter 1:3

Remember that God will provide for all your needs and the needs of your children.

 “My God will supply every need of yours according to His riches in glory in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:19

Remember, when fear creeps in, we can draw strength and comfort from God’s promises.

“For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, ‘Fear not, I am the one who helps you.’”

Isaiah 41:13

Remember that we can pray earnestly for God’s help and His leading in our parenting.

“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7

What does risky play look like?

Risky play is described as thrilling and exciting play that may involve challenges, heights, speed, tools, rough and tumble play, and testing limits, with the possibility of physical injury. Dr. Mariana Brussoni, Professor and Director of Human Early Learning Partnership at the University of British Columbia, explains that she likens risky play to “a science experiment, where kids are testing out their environment and determining what they are comfortable with.”

Examples of risky and adventurous play include:

  • Climbing up high objects such as trees or play structures with various heights.
  • Experiencing speed such as riding a bike or scooter really fast.
  • Using tools such as hammers or knives to build forts, whittle a stick, etc. with parental guidance.
  • Being near risky elements such as water, fire, or cliffs where they could fall if not careful.
  • Rough and tumble play with others, such as wrestling, play fighting, and using play swords.
  • Disappearing games, such as hide and seek, wandering in the woods, walking to a neighbor’s house alone, or simply hiding in the bushes.

When we think back to our favorite childhood play experiences, chances are they took place outside, unsupervised, while hanging out with friends. While in modern society we cannot offer the carefree environment of our own childhood, the challenge still remains to push our parenting fears aside, embrace age-appropriate risk, and offer our kids more opportunities to explore their world through play.

Your can read more about adventurous play here on Parenting Pathway

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Resources:

Segal, Adrien. “We Need Not Parent in Fear.” Desiring God, June 1, 2023. https://www.desiringgod.org/articles/we-need-not-parent-in-fear.

Author

  • Christine Clark

    Christine Clark is the Ministry Leader for Family Ministries at Stonebriar Community Church. She has a passion for supporting parents and helping them gain confidence and tools to be spiritual leaders in their homes. She is blessed to be the mom of a one son and the wife of her college sweetheart for 25 years. She and her husband are finding their way as empty nesters, and enjoying the new found freedom that comes with this stage of life. She is also an avid sports fan who loves all things NASCAR and football, especially in the fall in Texas.

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