I was thinking this morning about the concept of grace. Grace as in being generous or helpful, offering goodwill toward others, granting forgiveness without being asked, or giving allowance and room not to be perfect. How often do we find ourselves giving grace to others, but not allowing ourselves the same?
The last few weeks have been highly stressful for me. Between launching fall programming at church, completing special projects, and doing all the “Mom” things to move my son to his gap year program, I had become a frustrating mess. I found myself missing important deadlines and forgetting things. I was short with friends and insensitive to others. I even wrote my blog two weeks ago under a new “page” vs. a new “post”. (For you non-bloggers – that is really hard to do.) I found myself spinning trying to compensate, trying harder to cover it all.
While I struggled and slogged through the stress and mess I was making, not once did I allow myself enough grace to step back, ask for help, or even rest a bit. Friends and family leaned in to help, but I could not allow myself the grace to not handle everything myself.
This morning as I sat at my desk, exhausted and frustrated but ready to dig into the day of “busy”, I paused, knowing so many moms who find themselves in the same place. Why, when life gets messy, or overwhelming, or hard, do we not give ourselves the same allowances we would give anyone else?
Thoughts on Allowing Ourselves Grace
1) Find rest in the presence of God.
I love this passage in Exodus where Moses is questioning the Lord, and the Lord responds. Moses is wondering how he will lead, and who will help him, and he is feeling inadequate and concerned. (Sound familiar? We have all been there right?) And then the Lord reminds Moses that His presence will go with him.
The LORD replied, “My Presence will go with you, and I will give you rest.”
Exodus 33:14
His presence will go with you, with me. God provides us with the grace of unconditional love. God is generous with us; He is forgiving and accepting of our imperfections. If God will do all this for us, why can’t we do the same for ourselves?
2. You were not designed to be perfect. None of us can be.
“God did not design us to be perfect or to make ourselves perfect. If we were perfect—or even capable of being perfect—there would have been no need for Jesus to come and save us. It is because of our imperfection that we receive everything God has to offer.” Journeying Toward Jesus
Indeed, we all make many mistakes. For if we could control our tongues, we would be perfect and could also control ourselves in every other way.
James 3:2
3. You are not weak, overprotective, or helicopter-ing.
If you and your child are facing new experiences, it is common to want to make their landing as smooth as possible. You might be overworking the situation a bit (okay, a lot), but trust yourself and listen to the voice of the Holy Spirit. You will know when to step back and when to step in.
Each time He said, “My grace is all you need. My power works best in weakness.” So now I am glad to boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ can work through me.
2 Corinthians 12:9
4. Ask for help!!
God has designed us to live, fellowship, and support others in a community. We were not designed to soldier alone. Have you ever heard of an army of one? My guess is they would not win very many battles. In 1 Thessalonians, Paul writes to the Thessalonian church encouraging them to live a Christian life in community and according to God’s will.
And we urge you, brothers and sisters, warn those who are idle and disruptive, encourage the disheartened, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
1 Thessalonians 5:14
At the root of this, my fear is that I (and so many others just like me) do not extend to ourselves more grace because we feel unworthy of that kind of personal forgiveness. We are so busy carrying the weight of the world on our shoulders, holding ourselves to exceptional standards, that when we let ourselves down, we do not feel worthy of our own forgiveness. It’s a scary question to ask, but one we need to be willing to take to God through prayer and time in His Word.
Even if we cannot rest in self forgiveness, we can rest in God’s love and grace.
But because of His great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.
Ephesians 2:4-5
As parents, the grace we extend ourselves sets a model for our own children to allow room for their own imperfections.
