There are countless life skill books about raising happy and prosperous teens that focus on what they need to master along the way to adulthood. As mindful parents, we have most likely thought about many of these life skills without ever reading a parenting book, such as how to manage money, count change, do laundry, and cook a few simple meals. But what about the things we take for granted? Recently, I asked my son to address an envelope for a letter I was sending. He then handed me his addressed envelope. Our address was in the middle, and the “to” address was directly above it, also in the middle. It was not like he had never written a thank you note or letter to a pen pal, but I had always addressed the envelope for him. It was in that nanomoment that I realized I had clearly missed a step in Parenting 101.
These missing life skills may seem like small blips along the way to a teen launching into adulthood; however, they can be a little humiliating to me, and to my son, they can be frustrating. So, as we uncover any missing skills, we go back and fill in the gaps. As I began thinking about all the little things, I wondered if I have been taking care of other things he needs? Have I been taking care of the disciplines of his faith compared to the little things like addressing a letter? Like most who read this blog, we go to church as a family, we pray together, have regular family devotionals, and have everyday conversations about God’s plan for our lives. But, as much as I would like to put a checkmark next to addressing other life skills, I realize we may have addressed the mechanics of faith, but not the practical application of personal faith
Here are some practical life skills our kids need, so that they carry their own faith into the future:
1. Prayer as a conversation with God.
While growing up, we have taught our kids the mechanics of prayer and have given them several formulas to guide their prayer. While strategies are significant, we tend to stop there without closing the circle. Our kids need to practice having an ongoing and regular conversation with God. Through these conversations, they begin to personalize their relationship with God, and it becomes less of a Sunday School lesson.
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened.”
Luke 11:9-10 (NIV)
2. Using the bible to guide their lives.
Recently my son was faced with a challenging life situation and needed to make some decisions. A friend asked him if he had read his bible, and what did the bible say about the situation. Frustrated my son said he had not, but later asked us how to find answers to life’s problems in his bible. Swallowing my pride, I realized we had missed a step here. Our kids who grow up in church know hundreds of bible lessons, but they do not know how to use the bible for day-to-day application.
“For the word of God is alive and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints, and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.”
Hebrews 4:12 (NIV)
3. Build community with fellow believers.
When our kids were young, we arranged playdates for them. We usually picked these playdates based on families we liked and felt had similar values to ours. We wanted to be careful about the influences we invited into our children’s lives. As our children grew to be teens, we no longer scheduled their playdates and had less over who their friends were. But when they leave home, who will they be drawn too? Friends are chosen family; these are the people who both encourage us and celebrate with us. Those first few steps are made easier when our kids know where and how to find fellow believers who understand the value of shared faith.
“Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor: If either of them falls down, one can help the other up. But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.”
Ecclesiastes 4:9-10 (NIV)
As I edit and adjust the life skills training list I keep running in my mind; I now feel more than ever a strong need to move the these skills up the list. We all want to launch our kids well and see them find success in their adult lives. My greatest desire is for them to launch with a lasting and meaningful relationship with Christ that will sustain them in the days ahead.
