At any point in the parenting journey, it is easy to fall into a cycle of negative thoughts and self-doubt.
Can You Relate?
New moms seem to wander through life in a fog for at least six months after the birth of their new baby. They instinctively know that the first year is going to be full of joys and challenges, the highest of highs and the lowest of lows. Most find themselves thinking, I knew this was going to be hard, but will it always be this hard? She thinks, This wasn’t what I was expecting. What if I can’t do this?
Every mom has at least once found themselves sitting in their car in the driveway in the silence of a no-child moment in tears. She does not want to go into the house but knows she cannot hide in the car forever. She thinks, This wasn’t what I was expecting. What if I can’t do this?
There is not a mom who hasn’t called her spouse, best friend, or parent in the moment when she is just DONE. The craziness, screaming, and mess are overwhelming, and she needs someone to show up and rescue the kids from sure elimination and herself from prison. She thinks, This wasn’t what I was expecting. What if I can’t do this?
There is that moment in a mom’s life when her teenager finally gets their driver’s license and pulls out of the driveway for the first time alone. She can’t help herself–she has visions of the missed stop signs, scary lane changes, and wrong turns she endured while teaching her teen to drive. As she stalks their location on her phone, she thinks, This wasn’t what I was expecting. What if I can’t do this?
I believe that if any parent really knew the pain, trials, wins, and losses of parenting beforehand, very few would be willing to wade into the waters. From the moment your kids are first placed in your care, you spend the rest of your life loving and letting go.
It is in these moments of fear and doubt that our minds start to fill with negative thoughts. We think we are a bad mom, we can’t possibly care for our family, we are failures, and we cannot handle these kids. Those negative thoughts are the lies the enemy is attempting to sneak in. Regardless of how close your relationship with the Lord is, living in a fallen world can cause any of us to be subject to negative thoughts and self-doubt. The Bible says that the enemy comes to steal, kill, and destroy . . . so battling negative thoughts is normal!
“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy. I came that they may have life and have it abundantly.”
Jesus Christ, John 10:10
Defeating lies with the Truth of God’s Word is the important first step! Having a plan in place to attack those thoughts before they strike is key. Here are steps to consider:
- Identify Scripture passages that speak truth to you; memorize them and use them when you feel the negative spiral starting.
- Recognize intrusive thoughts for what they are, and watch for triggers as they are coming on.
- Start implementing small acts of self-care that will lead to emotional health.
Here are ten Scripture passages to consider adding to your tool kit of verses to replace negative thoughts:
- “For the word of God is living and active, sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing to the division of soul and of spirit, of joints and of marrow, and discerning the thoughts and intentions of the heart.” Hebrews 4:12
- “And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:7
- “When the cares of my heart are many, your consolations cheer my soul.” Psalm 94:19
- “Consequently, faith comes from hearing the message, and the message is heard through the word about Christ.” Romans 10:17
- “Set your minds on things that are above, not on things that are on earth.” Colossians 3:2
- “Do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that by testing you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and acceptable and perfect.” Romans 12:2
- “Therefore, preparing your minds for action, and being sober-minded, set your hope fully on the grace that will be brought to you at the revelation of Jesus Christ.” 1 Peter 1:13
- “Let your eyes look directly forward, and your gaze be straight before you.” Proverbs 4:25
- “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11
- “Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” Matthew 6:34
Negative thoughts and self-doubt can get stuck in the “on” position. It is important to recognize negative thought patterns and learn how to re-route them. When we get stuck, often it’s because we’ve focused too much on what’s wrong or not working. The next time you’re fighting negative thoughts, change the pattern by remembering you have the Spirit of God within you and are guarded by Christ. Take each negative thought captive and replace it with what Paul describes in Philippians 4:8. Scripture promises that when we align our thoughts with God’s, His peace, which passes all understanding, will keep our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.
“Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things.”
Philippians 4:8
Additional Resources
- A Mom Is Born: Biblical Wisdom and Practical Advice for Taking Care of Yourself and Your New Baby by Rachael Hunt Elmore MA LCMHC-S NCC
- Moms on Call Parenting Books by Laura Hunter LPN, and Jennifer Walker RN BSN
- Heather McFadyen Podcast, Right Where They Belong
