When you have a child in a tough situation—maybe they have been placed with a teacher that is not a good match, they are being bullied at school, they have recently received a diagnosis that impacts them in the classroom, etc.—the first parenting response is often to jump in and “fix” it. But rather than fixing the situation, many times parents can make the situation a bigger mess by jumping in without a plan.
Sometimes advocating for your child requires stepping back for a moment, allowing room for God to guide your actions, and taking time to create a plan that allows you to partner in finding solutions for your child.
What is an Advocate?
Being an Advocate means being a voice for your child. Advocacy is speaking up for them and asking for the services and support they need. An advocate will research to find information, meet with experts, go to meetings as a partner in finding a solution, etc.
How should we Advocate?
In the apostle Paul’s letter to the church in Colossae, Paul reminds us that nonbelievers are watching our behavior. In his instruction on living a Christian life, he reminds us to be gracious, to be a light in the world, and to be salt to the earth.
Walk in wisdom toward outsiders, making the best use of the time. Let your speech always be gracious, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how you ought to answer each person.
Colossians 4:5-6, ESV
How can you be a godly advocate for your child?
1. Be known in your child’s community.
Make sure you are involved in your child’s school, sports activities, or church groups. Volunteering is the best way to know the leaders, coaches, counselors, etc. When you are helping, you have both a greater understanding of the environment and already have a bridge for communication when needed.
2. Do your research.
Before rushing in to address a challenge, take some time to gather information. Whether it is a school bully, a mean coach, or a difficult diagnosis, take some time to gather the details. Engage your child in conversations and observations. Don’t be afraid to seek professional advice; an outsider with a broader perspective can help us gain perspective on a situation. Learn the language before going in (IEP, 504, ARD, etc.), because the more you know, the better your position to partner in a resolution.
3. Check your heart.
Spend time in prayer asking for the Lord to help. We need to check our hearts and advocate from a place of surrender to Him. Pray for all involved in the situation. Be calm and respectful, and communicate in a way that honors God. Share your concerns in a thoughtful way without accusation, showing a willingness to hear the coach/teacher/counselors’ perspective.
4. Don’t let problems escalate.
Be your child’s advocate by speaking up sooner when you have concerns. If your child has an issue with a teacher, they are not getting the services and support they need, or you have a new diagnosis, engage in conversations as issues arise. Look to partner with those involved, offer suggestions for resolution, and be open to hearing others’ suggestions.
5. Praise progress.
In advocating for your child, remember to offer praise and gratitude when you see changes and progress. Be intentional to communicate what you appreciate, illustrating your partnership.
When to push for self-advocacy?
By the time a child is in ninth grade, they should be able to advocate for their own needs in school situations. Asking for help with missing assignments, taking a retest, and resolving conflicts with peers are all examples where a child needs to be able to find and speak to the right person to resolve their own issues.
Approach these situations with the same sense of godly advocacy. Be willing to pray through the situation with your teen and lead them to the Scriptures to find solutions and encouragement. Help them role play the needed conversation or brainstorm solutions. Remind them that you are available to help when needed, but by letting them advocate for themselves, you are saying “I believe in you, and I believe that you can handle this.”
Pray Scripture reminders WITH your teen, and encourage them to revisit key verses often.
Be strong and courageous. Do not fear or be in dread of them, for it is the Lord your God who goes with you. He will not leave you or forsake you.
Deuteronomy 31:6
