There are so many challenges involved with parenting, and even though my daughter is still only a toddler, technology is an area that gives me some anxiety when looking forward. As technology continues to evolve and advance, it sometimes seems that parenting is a game of catchup. An ongoing experiment that each generation has to test and trial. With such a responsibility to “train up our children in the way they should go” (Proverbs 22:6) it can feel like a daunting task with ever-changing terrain.
Luckily, although we live in a world of evolving technology, there is nothing new under the sun or unseen by the Lord. We can draw from unchanging biblical truth and wisdom to apply in parenting with technology. And hopefully, when approaching the technological advances and the unfamiliar situations they produce, we can approach it humbly with grace. It is important to remind ourselves that we don’t have all the answers. It is okay to change our minds and adjust how we approach something as we learn more along the way. Yet we can do our best to keep our child’s best interest at heart and needs in mind as we navigate each child’s unique relationship with technology.
Discernment is a necessary skill for parenting, particularly when it comes to technology in your child’s life. There are so many apps, platforms, websites, games, shows, influencers, etc., that are and will be vying for your child’s attention. Our role is not fulfilled with a one-time decision on whether or not a child can watch TV or get a cell phone. My goal for you is not to tell you whether or not to let your kid have a tablet or what type of games to let your teens play, but to remind you of what we are called to do in loving God with all our heart, soul, and strength, and to teach this diligently to our children (Deuteronomy 6:5-7). We are therefore obligated to take an active role in the guidance and protection of our children when it comes to technology.
Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your strength. These commandments that I give you today are to be on your hearts. Impress them on your children. Talk about them when you sit at home and when you walk along the road, when you lie down and when you get up.
Deuteronomy 6:5-7
Define the Roles
I urge you to prayerfully consider what role you want technology to have in your home. We live in a technology-saturated world, which makes it so imperative to define how you want technology to serve your family. Otherwise, it so easily consumes so much more of your time than you probably ever intended.
In our role as parents, three things we should focus on when it comes to technology are modeling healthy habits, setting good boundaries, and fostering connection.
1. Model healthy habits.
Model healthy time and engagement with technology and gaming for your children. This is a great goal to be intentionally pursuing. Are we as parents interacting with technology in a way that honors God and loves others? Do we leave intentional space for planned and unplanned times of connection? “All things are lawful for me,” but not all things are helpful. “All things are lawful for me,” but I will not be dominated by anything. (1 Corinthians 6:12).
2. Set boundaries.
Take time to intentionally decide what is appropriate time and content for your child to be interacting with tech. In Boundaries by Dr. Cloud and Dr. Townsend, it says that “the purpose of biblical parenting is to let good things in and keep bad things out.” Hebrews 12:1 states that to run our race well, we have to shake off the things that prevent us from reaching our goal. You know your child. Consider how the tech they engage with will help foster them and where you will need to be intentional to guard their hearts and minds. Areas to give intentional thought when setting boundaries with tech for your family:
- Brain Development: Research is revealing how technology use can “rewire” the brain’s neural connections over time, impacting the way children process information and influencing their developing attention spans. Check and make sure—what is the recommended screen time for your child’s age group?
- Emotional Maturity: Is your child able/trustworthy to obey the limits and boundaries established with technology?
- Access/Moderation: How will you practically limit the amount of time your child will access technology?
- Limitations: What safeguards do you have in place to protect your children from illicit content? What content and type of supervision do you allow? How is technology use monitored in your home?
3. Connection.
Foster connection and creativity over an attitude of consumption. How we use technology really matters. God has created us for connection with others and to be creative in our interactions with His amazing world. Our devices can easily draw us into becoming consumers of endless content and gradually disconnect us from those in the same room, missing opportunities for intimacy and creativity. Find ways to encourage connection in your home with one another and with the environment around you, which may sometimes include using technology creatively together.
Therefore, since we are surrounded by such a great cloud of witnesses, let us throw off everything that hinders and the sin that so easily entangles. And let us run with perseverance the race marked out for us.
Hebrews 12:1
It starts with us!
All of the points above allow space for age-appropriate creativity, differing parenting styles, and family values to be addressed in the way we choose to walk them out. As parents, it starts with us. We have to be intentional with taking accountability for our own tendencies of consumption and how technology impacts us before we can begin to effectively set expectations for our children.
Although the responsibility we hold as parents to navigate our children through an ever-present technological world is a heavy load, remember that it is a process, sometimes one of trial and error. So, whether you have a young toddler trying to figure out screen time or teens navigating the social media world, take a moment to invite God into the process with you. He has entrusted this responsibility to you. As we grow as parents and get to know the ongoing growth and needs of each unique child, leaning into God’s wisdom and promises is always a great place to start. We are to steward our children toward being who God created them to be. Does their level of involvement or type of engagement with technology help that purpose? If not, no better time than the present to re-evaluate and adjust.
