3 Ways I’m Turning Into My Mother (And It’s Not So Bad)

“Oh no,” I thought, coming to a halt in the middle of my living room. “I’m turning into my mother.”

Just before this moment, I had said something that I’ve heard from my mother’s lips a thousand times. My husband had told me he was tired, and I (knowing he’d stayed up too late the night before, and having little sympathy) had responded, “Well, now whose fault is that?”

There it was. I had even mimicked my mother’s tone of voice, completely unintentionally. In that moment, I could not deny—as I grow older, I’m turning into my mother.

Most of us have had that experience, I’d assume, from time to time. We say or do something that echoes our mothers, often to our own irritation. But turning into our mothers doesn’t always have to be a negative thing. As Mother’s Day approaches, I decided to write out a few ways I’m becoming like my mom that aren’t so bad. And if you have the time, have some fun and try out this exercise with your own mom, grandmother, or mother-figure in mind.*

1. I’m embracing my silly side.

My mother is a goofball. She has a childlike spirit, and though I admire it now, when I was growing up, I found it somewhat . . . annoying. Especially once I hit the preteen and teen years, I found my mom’s constant singing and joking and playing sooooo embarrassing. One time, when I was pacing around her room and talking to her about something “very serious” (like a boy or whatever friendship drama was happening at the time), I turned around and found her giggling because she’d turned a pillowcase into a puppet.

“Mom! Come on! This is serious!” I insisted, but on she went, with her hands in the corners of the pillowcase, flapping it up and down as if it made a giant mouth. She wasn’t making fun of me; she was just entertaining herself the way she always did while folding laundry. And while preteen-me did not appreciate such behavior, adult-me can’t help but laugh.

Because now, as I raise my own child, I find myself making up goofy songs and games just to keep him and myself entertained. So naturally, since my mom had been a stay-at-home mom to three kids, she’d had to stay playful and creative, for our development and her sanity. So the other day, when I caught myself playing a drum solo on an overturned laundry basket with no one around, I thought, I’m turning into my mother. And it made me smile.

2. I’m learning to apologize.

My mother has a tiny bit of a temper. It’s nothing dangerous, in that she is never physical about it or truly threatening in any way. It’s just that when her bottled-up stressors come loose, they shoot out with sharp words, a raised voice, and a look that could freeze molten lava. (You know the look. The I’m-about-to-use-your-middle-name, young lady look.)

Growing up, when I’d do or say something to my mom that triggered a blow-up, I’d have no idea why the reaction was that severe. But now as a mom myself, I get it. The demands on my time and energy are seemingly endless. I am always juggling the various tasks involved in everyday mom life—from caring for my toddler, to doing the daily laundry, to calendaring doctor’s appointments and play dates, to washing the bottomless pit of dishes, to serving in my full-time job, to trying to be a good wife, and not to mention trying to squeeze in some time to shower and just be a human being.

So these days, when I’m in the middle of my juggling act, and my husband or toddler does something that disrupts my careful balance, I feel the rising urge to snap. While I have not yelled at my son yet (though unfortunately I know that will likely happen one day), my poor husband has been on the receiving end of my frustrated outbursts many times (sorry, honey). And when I realize what I’ve said or how I’ve yelled or how my glare looks, I realize, I’m turning into my mother.

While I wish that I didn’t react with multigenerational mommy rage, this reality also brings to mind one of the ways I hope to be more like my mother—she was great at apologizing. I mean really, whenever my mom was too harsh in her anger, as soon as she cooled off, she would come to me, get down on my level, and sincerely apologize. She would explain to me her feelings but also let me know that she was responsible for her own response, and that she was sorry for yelling or acting unkindly, and she invited me to tell her how I felt about the situation.

Needing to apologize is an inevitable part of parenting. All parents make mistakes (I know I do). There is no perfect parent on this earth. So we all need to know how to genuinely apologize to our kids when we mess up, modeling vulnerability, repairing our relationships after conflict, and setting the standard for grace in our homes.

My mom wasn’t perfect. She knows she wasn’t. But when she messed up, she fessed up and worked to restore our relationship. And that humble repentance and grace leads me to the third way I’m (hopefully) turning into my mother.

3. I’m growing closer to God.

My mother is one of the most devoted believers I have ever known, and I could not be more thankful for her example. Ever since I was a little girl, I have known that my mother’s Christian faith has been the foundation of her life, because I could see it in so many ways, like seeing my mother read her Bible often, hearing her listen to sermons on the radio, noticing her donate often to churches and charities, and watching her serve at Sunday school.

In our conversations, my mom frequently quoted Scripture to give guidance and encouragement, and she led me to pray about everything. I remember one year when I was in elementary school, my mom and I prayed every night for a classmate who was mean to me on the playground, because Jesus says to pray even for our enemies (Matthew 5:44).

And even though my mom served faithfully in many ways, she made it very clear that she was saved by grace alone, through faith alone, in Christ alone, not because of the good things she did. As I touched on previously, my mom wasn’t perfect by any means. She was (and is, as we all are) a sinner in need of grace. Yet I hope that as I pursue my relationship with the Lord, I’ll occasionally look at the way I live my life for the Kingdom of God and think, I’m turning into my mother. And that’s a pretty good thing.

To all the mamas, grandmas, aunts, and mother-figures out there doing your best, happy Mother’s Day. Thanks for being you.