I used to be so cool! I drove a sports car. My wife and I would eat out all the time. I was in really great-ish shape. Saturday mornings, I would sleep in. It seemed like we were doing too many fun things, but this was before we had kids. Before having kids, I blissfully lived life under the assumption that I was a patient and compassionate person. Wrong! The second that kids entered into the equation of my life, I began to realize how flawed I am. Nothing reveals your lack of patience more than sleepless nights being up with a baby. I never realized that I struggled with anger until we were late for church and my preschooler continued to run away from me when we were trying to get in the car. I also realized in that moment how out of shape I was as I chased him around the kitchen. How can someone so small be so fast? Why am I so slow? How did I get so out of shape so quickly? When will parenting get any easier? Why do I want a minivan so bad? The questions can seem endless, but one thing that I do know is that God uses our children to sanctify us.
With each passing day, more and more of my personal flaws and selfishness are revealed. If you are reading this and do not already have children, please know that there are great joys in parenting. When your baby first holds onto your finger. When your child can tells you “I love you!” The list could stretch on for miles. There are many joys that come with having children, but being a parent is also very humbling.
Nothing is more humbling than watching your kids emulate you. Daily, my flaws and selfishness are pointed out to me as I pray and ask God for virtually every fruit of the Spirit just to get by. But nothing motivates me to change more than seeing my boys copy all of my bad habits. Why do they always have so much energy when I am exhausted? How are they always listening when I let a “bad word” slip out? It seems like all my bad habits and character flaws have instant repercussions when I exhibit them in front of my kids. It’s as if they aren’t paying attention when I am being great and awesome. But as soon as I mess up, they instantly copy me! What they see me do, they will do. I know that they are going to pick up some of my flaws (more than I want them to), but I also know that they are picking up some of my good qualities, as well.
Of all the things that I would desire my boys to learn from me, the most important is to love God and love others.
Jesus replied: “‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.’ This is the first and greatest commandment. And the second is like it: ‘Love your neighbor as yourself.’ (Matthew 22:37-39)
If I am being honest with myself, while I often fail at showing my boys either of these, the one that I struggle most with is loving others. This is my biggest character flaw that I don’t want to pass on to my boys. As important as it is for my boys to see me model grace and love to them, they also need to see me show that same love to people outside our home.
One of the most basic ways to do this with them is to show others “random acts of kindness.” We often see videos online or even read articles about it, the stories of people giving money to homeless people, or literally giving the shirt on their back to the shirtless man on the subway who sleeps under a bridge. These are great stories that warm our heart, but I think it is much easier, and possibly more fruitful, to start with the people who live next door. You can, but you don’t have to, drive to downtown and toss a Big Mac out the window to a homeless man after church this Sunday. After all, what if that homeless man is gluten-free? I think that the best place to show other these “random acts of kindness” is in your own neighborhood. This is something that my wife and I try our best to do with the boys, and something that I would encourage you to do with your kids, as well. Here are some ideas to try with your family:
- Give out baked goods: Make something with your kids at home (enough for the 5-10 houses closest to you), wrap them up nice (like you would a gift), and go door to door with you kids and deliver them together. Be sure to pray with your family before you go door to door. Also, as you give them the gift, ask if you can pray for them (if they say yes, then pray for them right there, out loud).
- Make a gift basket for your local Fire Station: Fill up a basket with snacks, sweets, and handwritten cards/letters and deliver it to the Fire Station zoned for you house. Don’t forget to pray before you go to the station and ask to pray for someone while you are there.
- Invite a neighbor: Most neighbors feel isolated from each other. Choose a neighbor that you don’t know very well and invite them to do something. Would you like to come over for dinner at our house and bring your family? Would you like to come to church with us this Sunday? We are going down to the park, would you like to come? What you ask is up to you. This may seem a little more intimidating than the other options, but this would make the greatest difference in someone’s life.
Now in order to do this with your kids, there will have to be some intentionality behind it, but for them they get a chance to come alongside you and do something nice for someone else. Remember that your kids learn more from what you do than what you say. What do you want to pass on to your children?
