It’s back-to-school season in North Texas. This time of year has always been filled with some level of fear and anxiety. How could it not be, with new schools, new teachers, new programs, and new rules? So much new is hard for anyone. But the start of the 2021–2022 school year has an extra level of anxiety attached. I find myself circling back to this passage in Philippians:
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Philippians 4:6-7
How Parents Can Help Our Kids Overcome Their Back-to-School Anxiety
1. Be sensitive to their non-verbal communication.
Even though we have spent the last 18 months in close contact with our kids, we might not notice subtle changes in their behavior. Are they quieter than normal? Are they eating more or less; are they talking less with friends; are they sleeping more or less; do they seem nervous when you talk about the upcoming school year? Depending on their age, our kids may not have the words to express what they are feeling or may not even be sure how they feel. This is where your parenting instincts need to kick in, and you need to trust that tingle in the back of your spine. There may be no issues, or there may be a lot going on under the surface.
2. Listen. Really listen.
Getting your child to talk about what they are feeling can seem like the biggest challenge. But once they start talking, resist the urge to problem-solve or invalidate their feelings. Resist the urge to use statements such as, “There is nothing to be afraid of,” or “Don’t worry, I’m sure it will be fine.” While these seem helpful, they send a strong message that our kids’ feelings are not taken seriously. This is a good time to dust off your active listening skills and use phrases such as “What I hear you saying is…” or “Tell me more about that,” which encourage our kids to explore what they are feeling and why.
3. Give them space to NOT be okay.
I am from a long line of people who tend to dust ourselves off and move on. I also know I have a very short attention span for self-examination and find myself saying “It is what it is, let’s move on.” But there can be real value in just allowing our kids to feel exactly what they feel. Are they disappointed, scared, angry, nervous, or frustrated? Or maybe all of those things at the same time? Our role as parents is to encourage and allow our kids to explore what they are feeling, then give them room and time to work through those feelings, even if it takes longer than you think you can endure. Be available to talk and help them process their feelings, but also step back and let them set the pace. I like to use the analogy of a backcountry guide. A good guide allows his party to set the pace but keeps them moving to reach the goal. He allows them to pause and soak in nature, and even wander off, but he always has the path and end point in sight. You are your child’s backcountry guide.
4. Pray for them and with them.
Is it your first instinct to turn to God in prayer when confronted with challenges? This is where we start in helping our kids learn to turn to God with all their feelings. They will model your actions. I used to ask my son every morning on the way to school, “How can I pray for you today?” We would talk for a few minutes about whatever he was worried about, and then I would pray out loud before he got out of the car. It was in those brief few minutes that I could reset both our days to point us to Christ. Prayer does not have to be a formal thing, and you don’t need to worry about getting it wrong. We want to encourage our kids to engage in an ongoing conversation with God. Remind them that God loves them and wants to be in their lives.
5. Be their cheerleader but not always their coach.
I find it easier to instruct, so I catch myself a lot of “you should” or “try this” statements in my conversations. But often, what our kids really need to hear from us is the affirmation of our love and a reminder that we are in their corner. When your kids are stepping up to the challenge, or confronting their fears, let them hear you say, “I’m proud of you.” When you look across the table and smile at the ketchup smeared across their face, remember to tell them, “I love you.”
Parenting Cue recently published a post, “Six Conversations to Have with Your Kids at the Start of the New School Year” that has a great reminder for parents:
“Remember to approach every conversation with curiosity, patience, and grace as you learn to navigate the changes—and the emotions that go with them—together.”1
I am approaching this school year with hopeful optimism. I am hopeful that even though everything in our world has changed and so much seems different, the good stuff will return. I am optimistic that even though these 18 months have been hard, we have all learned some valuable lessons. I am eager to watch our kids step up to the challenges, and I know that God is in their corner.
Our Family Ministries team has created a set of FREE printable lunchbox and backpack notecards to help you encourage your kids as they step into this school year.
Download the FREE printable. Then print the lunchbox cards at home, cut them out, and include a personal note on the back before you tuck them into your child’s lunchbox or backpack throughout the school year.
- Jennings, Leah, Dr. Burns, Dr. Burns, Autumn Ward, Dr. Williams, Dr. Williams, and Daniel Walters. 2022. “6 Conversations To Have With Your Kid At The Start Of The New School Year – Parent Cue”. Parent Cue. https://theparentcue.org/6-conversations-to-have-with-your-kid-at-the-start-of-the-new-school-year/.
