Moms are some of the most judgmental people I know!
Got your attention? Before you start looking up my address to come and get me, let me explain.
Moms are some of the most judgmental people I know when it comes to judging themselves.
Sound better? Yes . . . and no, because it probably pinches. You probably know just what I mean.
I thought I had outgrown this particular problem because I am now a grandma. I thought that until I saw a Facebook post of a fabulous princess tea party a grandma was having with her granddaughter. My first thought was that I must not be that great a grandma after all! Because of a princess tea party!
I remember being a mom and judging myself very harshly.
My house was a mess. (Why shouldn’t it be a mess with four children and a dog running through it plus red North Carolina clay just outside my door?)
I lost my temper and yelled at the kids. (Yes, the three older ones were all asking questions at the same time, and the baby was crying, and the dog was barking, and the house was a mess, but . . .)
It was April and we were behind on homeschool by at least three months. (I don’t even feel like making up plausible excuses for this.)
My best friend’s three girls looked like a picture from a magazine with beautiful homemade jumpers and matching hair bows, while mine had dressed themselves for church today (you know what that means!).
Yes, we were having instant mac and cheese for lunch for the third straight day. (It could have been hot dogs for the fourth straight day, you know!)
All the things I coulda, shoulda, oughta do piled up and made me turn into the judgiest mom you ever saw. And all that judgment ended up on my own shoulders. Because I was trying to be something I had designed; something I had dreamed up; something I thought my family needed.
Psalm 121 has become one of my favorite psalms—I wish I had grabbed onto it twenty years ago! I want to encourage you with the first two verses. Please read it twice before you go on:
“I lift up my eyes to the hills.
From where does my help come?
My help comes from the Lord,
who made heaven and earth.”
“I lift up my eyes to the hills. From where does my help come?” How many times have I looked around me for help? I’ve looked to my own ingenuity. I’ve looked to the latest self-help book. I’ve looked to the opinions of my friends. I’ve looked all kinds of places and found temporary solutions.
These were temporary solutions when I could have had so much more. Do you remember when the power-crazed king in Daniel 2 demanded that his wise men tell him his dream AND the interpretation? Daniel could have written the next line in Psalm 121—“My help comes from the Lord, who made heaven and earth.” Daniel was a smart guy—well-educated and one of the king’s wise men—but he never even considered going anywhere but to God for the answer to this dilemma.
“The Lord who made heaven and earth.” Think about that—let that idea soak into your mind and heart and soul. The God who created everything from nothing is your helper. He was Daniel’s helper, and He revealed the dream and the interpretation to him.
Daniel responded,
“I offer thanks and praise to you,
God of my fathers,
because you have given me
wisdom and power.
And now you have let me know
what we asked of you,
for you have let us know
the king’s mystery.” (Daniel 2:23)
Now let’s bring it back to us self-judging moms. Daniel didn’t check Facebook to compare what he was doing to what other wise men were doing. Daniel didn’t run down the list of times he had failed so that he could anticipate another failure. What did he do?
- Daniel grabbed his three friends and told (not asked) them to pray
- Daniel waited for God to give him the answer
- Daniel praised his God
You and I cannot solve all the mom-problems we encounter. We can’t. But we can tell our friends to pray while we pray. We can wait for the answer. We can praise God when He gives us the help we need.
Now listen, I’m not saying this is easy. Don’t hear that! It’s not easy to pray when it feels like you’re being crushed. Remember, Daniel would die if the answer didn’t come. It’s definitely not easy to wait when panic is making it difficult to think.
But our God is the God who made heaven and earth. Slow down, read it again. Our God is the God who made heaven and earth. He is your helper. He doesn’t judge your efforts to be a good mom. You shouldn’t, either.
Don’t waste your energies judging yourself. Instead,
- Pray
- Get those very close and reliable friends to pray
- Wait (and breathe)
- Get ready to praise your God when He helps
You know you are precious in the eyes of your Father. Look up to Him who loves you and will help you, and stop judging the precious mom whom He made!
