May 20, 2022 Christian Parenting, Parenting Pathway Classes, Teens, Tough Topics, Young Children

Navigating Sexuality and Pornography

In this Parenting Pathway class, we invited counselor and life coach Sydney Squires from Lifeologie Counseling in Frisco to lead us in a discussion about sexuality and pornography. Because of her own life experience and the work she does professionally, Sydney is uniquely qualified to help us as Christian parents talk about these topics with our families.

When raising children in today’s culture, it is important that parents think through how to raise kids to have a healthy view of sexuality, especially as they enter adulthood. We certainly don’t want them to be promiscuous, but we also do not want them to be uninformed, ashamed, or naïve.

This conversation covers pornography, gender identity, and sexual identity.

Be sure to watch the full class and reference the notes below for some key points.

Pornography

“If sexuality is about connection, pornography is about disconnection.”

When approaching the topic of pornography in your home, it is valuable to look at it in three ways:

Heart Knowledge: Check your own heart on this topic first, and be prepared to discuss this at an early age (the average first age of exposure to pornography is 8). Make sure your kids know you are a safe place to talk about these things.

Head Knowledge: Do your research, and make sure you can answer the “Why?” questions you will get as your children age.

Hands Knowledge: Take the time to put filters, parental controls, and security in place on all devices. But also be proactive when you notice behavioral changes in your children, as there are ways around those controls. Pornography is an easy go-to drug that can be addicting, so catching the behavior early is key.

Gender Identity

“Gender identity is a person’s sense of having a gender, while sexuality refers to attraction; finally, biological sex is the gender (DNA) you are born with.”

When discussing gender identity with our children, it is important to understand our own bias and approach on this. Sydney described that we typically come to this discussion from one of three lenses: Integrity Lens, Disability Lens, or Diversity Lens. It is also likely our kids will be looking through a different lens. Hear the definitions of these lenses in the class recording above.

Sexual Identity

“Our goal is not to compromise our values, but to give space for our kids to ask questions.”

Has anyone ever asked you “How do you identify?” It may seem like a strange question to most parents, but to our kids, that may be a very normal conversation. And for some, this can be a hard question to answer. Sydney describes that identity can be viewed in three tiers:

  • Tier 1 – Attraction: Who are we attracted to, either emotionally or physically? This typically changes over time.
  • Tier 2 – Orientation: This is driven by attraction and becomes a stronger part of identity over time.
  • Tier 3 – Identity: Having a label assigned, such as I am gay, I am bi-sexual, or I am non-binary. This is more of a modern cultural norm.

Culture today pushes our kids from thoughts of attraction to identity too quickly, and it does not allow them room to change, to explore, and to find their own way. In the class recording, Sydney shares several examples from her own life to help us understand how to lead our children well.

Additional Resources

Websites:

Books:

Filters to add to your devices:

For more Parenting Pathway Information on this topic, consider our recent article from a mom’s perspective:

Pornography from a Mom’s Perspective

Authors

  • Sydney Squires

    Sydney Squires, was born and raised in Lubbock, TX. During high school, she experienced multiple sports injuries that led to extensive recovery time in physical therapy. That experience led her to pursue a career as a physical therapist, because she wanted to help people recover from difficult circumstances. However, she soon realized her hatred for freshman biology and thus, began rethinking her future.  While she didn’t pursue physical therapy or bartending, counseling still enables her to walk with individuals through painful circumstances towards healing, growth, and freedom.

    Sydney graduated from Texas Tech University with a Bachelor of Arts in Honors Arts and Letters. Afterwards, she attended Dallas Theological Seminary, graduating with a Master of Arts in Biblical Counseling.

    Style & Approach
    Because she grew up as an athlete in a conservative religious environment, she centers her talk around perfectionism, social anxiety, identity confusion, and shame that can often accompany the teenage/young adult years. She also has a passion for helping individuals navigate their sexual identity or unwanted sexual behaviors. Her specialties include anxiety, depression, co-dependency, anger management, sports, trauma, sexual identity, sex addiction, and can also offer integrated Christian counseling.

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  • Dave Carl

    Dave Carl is the Family Ministries Pastor at Stonebriar Community Church and is responsible for the ministry focusing on children birth through high school graduation and the parents who love them. With a ministry philosophy based on Luke 10:27, his primary focus is to give parents the skills to raise kids who truly love Jesus and want to serve others. Dave has a passion for ministering to families in crisis in our community. He has spent several years pouring into fathers and husbands and helping them learn that they need community, were designed to guard and protect, and that they really can be the spiritual leaders of their family.

    Dave and his wife of 30 plus years, Cathy, have two adult children and one in college and grandparents to three amazing children. They are completely in love with these new member of their family. Dave is an avid woodworker and loves to write. He sees all stories in the form of pictures, and he would love to connect with you!

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