I remember one particular dinner conversation from a few year’s back as if it just happened yesterday. As we were passing around the gourmet dinner (just kidding, it was chicken nuggets) we started to go around the table talking about our day. My husband had a great day at work with a big success, and we were all giving high fives and fist bumps. We moved around the table to my oldest son, who had just scored a game-winning homer, and we had the best time reliving that great moment. Not to be outdone by his big brother, our youngest had also gone 7 days in a row without any potty accidents and to say we were all over-celebrating would be an understatement. All the boys were grinning ear to ear at their accomplishments when a quiet hush fell over the dinner table. All three boys looked at me, and the room got quiet. Hudson broke the silence and said, “It’s too bad that Mom didn’t do anything today that we can celebrate.”
Ouch. Now before you write off my son as being a total jerk, he wasn’t being malicious in his comment. He was being 100% truthful. But man, that truth stung hard. My sweet husband was quick to jump in and start the disaster response and immediately stood up for all that I had accomplished that day to care for kids, the house, aging parents, neighbors in need, our church family . . . But it was too late. The words were out there. In the few weeks that followed, I kept playing the conversation over and over in my mind. What was I teaching my kids if every single thing I did all day long was for other people? I was subconsciously sending them the message that I thought everyone in our family and in our circle was important . . . except me.
I realized that I deeply desire for my boys to see that I am a person, too. I have interests and passions, just like all of the other family members. For the first time in my life, I decided to set goals for myself that had NOTHING to do with my immediate family members. Now, before you write me off as being completely selfish, please know that this process was discussed at length with my husband, and he was totally on board. In fact, he really helped me narrow down what goals I could set and which passions to pursue. As a team, we really stopped to look and see what and how we could implement something that I could do that was solely for my benefit.
Why don’t moms set goals for themselves? Because we’re the first ones to sacrifice time, money, and even dinner off of our plates if someone in the family needs it!
Fast forward several years from that initial dinnertime conversation. I have gone into each calendar year with three specific goals for myself—specific goals that improve my mental state, physical state, and spiritual state. And the real tricky part is, I included my family. My husband helped me come up with a plan to achieve them, and then I told my kids my goals so we could talk about them all year long. They’ve watched me reach goals . . . as well as falling short of a few.
It’s not easy to set those goals and make the sacrifices. It is terribly hard to set that alarm for 5 a.m. to get in a workout before my husband goes to work . . . or to pay a babysitter while he’s out of town so I can get in a workout. It takes a huge mindset shift that you are worth the sacrifices! I’ll tell you what, seeing my husband and kids jumping up and down for me on the sidelines of races and competitions is truly hard to express. Because we’ve included our kids in the journey, they are truly a part of the celebration. As a result, my boys have pushed themselves to think bigger and set big goals, and they’ve experienced great joy when the goals are reached. We must model this behavior if we desire to see them become hard workers and long-range thinkers! It is our responsibility to show them how we can take care of ourselves—whatever that looks like to you.
If you are looking for further reading on the subject of goal setting, I highly recommend the books Start and Finish by Jon Acuff.
