It’s the season of transition. Even if you have been homeschooling your kids all summer, fall introduces new activities, new groups, and new schedules. While your kids are still captive in the car on the way to school or activities (riding the parent Uber, as it were), we want to encourage you to try to use the opportunity to intentionally connect with your kids. If you feel awkward starting a conversation, you are not alone. A recent study by Pew Research Center shows that about half of all parents struggle to hold a conversation with their kids.
Conversation gives your kids social support. They are learning to talk to their friends, classmates, and family members for information-sharing, advice-giving, or just to vent. This process helps them learn to put things in perspective, which helps build their resilience and allow them to cope better when things don’t go to plan.
Fighting through the struggle and overcoming your discomfort will be worth it as you open the lines of communication and build a stronger relationship with your kids.
Before You Start
From my own experience, here are a few things to keep in mind as you start to be more intentional about your conversations this year:
- Only focus on one or maybe two questions at the most. This is not the time to play 20 questions.
- LISTEN: Really listen to the answer instead of focusing on what you are going to say next.
- If you sense a cloud hanging over your child’s head, you can start with the least confrontational conversation starter. “You seem sad/mad/upset today; do you want to talk about it?” If they say no, respect that. Instead, offer to listen together to their music playlist, favorite podcast, or whatever else they like to listen to.
- Put your phone down, and don’t take any calls, return text messages, or look at your news feed at stoplights when you are talking to your child. This shows your child that you respect them and are committed to this time.
- Limit “transactional” conversation topics such as homework, sports practice, cores, etc. Use your family carpool time to connect.
- Be open and share your own life experience, but remember this conversation is not all about you, and it’s not all about your kids either. A monologue, in either direction, is not a conversation. Try to achieve a balance between talking and listening in any conversation.
Conversation Starters for Any Age:
- Describe your day in three words. Why those three words?
- Tell me one good thing that happened today and one bad thing that happened.
- What is your favorite day of the week? Why?
- Did you struggle or have a rough time with anything today?
Conversation Starters for Preschoolers
- Did you learn anyone’s name today?
- Who did you play with today?
- How did you help someone today?
- What is something you really like doing at school?
- What was your favorite part of your day?
- If you had a robot for the day, what would you have them do?
- What is the hardest rule for you to follow?
- What is your job this week?
Conversation Starters for Elementary-Age Children
- Who did you play with at recess today? Who did you sit with at lunch today?
- Did anything funny happen today?
- Is there anyone in your class you are struggling to get along with? Why?
- Was there anything that you thought was boring today?
- Was there anything today that you had a hard time understanding or made you feel frustrated at school?
- If you were the teacher for the day, what rules would you have in your classroom? Why?
- If you could make up your own holiday, what would it be and how would you celebrate it?
Conversation Starters for Middle Schoolers
- What was your best class today, and what was your worst class today? Why?
- Who did you eat lunch with today?
- Who was your favorite teacher today, and what is one thing you like about them?
- Was there anything today that you had a hard time understanding or made you feel frustrated?
- What do you say to yourself when you are having a bad day?
- Who are your three closest friends?
- Which teacher makes you laugh?
- Is anything exciting or fun coming up in school soon?
Conversation Starters for Teenagers & Young Adults
- Who is being a great friend to you? Who is your favorite person right now?
- What do you like best about your friends right now?
- What is one thing that made you happy at school today?
- You seem sad/mad/upset after school today; do you want to talk about it?
- Are any of your friends dating?
- What are you reading at school right now?
- What are you looking forward to the season/month/week?
- Based on the day you had, if you were a cartoon character, who would you be? Why?
- Would you like to listen to your playlist on the way home?
